mitc's entries
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Hey hey! i just got back from a 2-day church programme. It's called the Women's Breajthrough Weekend. A weekend when we come before God and seek His face and to ask from Him a breakthrough in our life, a breakthrough that will bring us one step closer to Him.
I thank God for the wonderful group of ladies that He placed with me- Mavis (a mother of 2, and her 2nd baby is only 3 month old!), HuiFen (a lady who's just graduated and going into the workforce), XiaoHui (a bubbly lady who's so hungry for God to work in her) and Adeline (a strong lady who's going through many difficulties in life and still standing strong in the Lord).
It's just amazing how the Lord dealt with me. All through the years, I've been asking why I'm not maturing and blah blah blah... Each time I was shown an area in which I've sinned. I prayed for that and before I know it, I'm sunken back in the sin again. I just can't seem to get out of it and gain a breakthrough in my life where I can experience the fullness of God. It bugs me lots.
Haha... guess what? During the first worship session, I was given this image.. I was all chained up... my hands and my legs were all chained the to wall, there was no way I could free myself from the chains that held me captive. Then I saw Jesus. He came to me and just said to me, "I have the key to set you free. You just have to ask me to do so." That was such a revelation. I mean, Hey! Here's Christ telling me that He can set me free from all my sins and bondages, things that are holding me down, things that are simply chaining me up. The grace that He's shown me... I don't deserve Him to come and die for Him... I'm just so not deserving but yet, He did it for me. I don't deserve Him in setting me free from the chains and troubles that I got myself into, yet, He came and offered me the key to set me free. Isn't He great???
Then we went into our Theme Talk 1. Ann Chan spoke to us about living a God-directed life. A life that I live knowing who God is, what God can do for me and His relationship in my life. A life that I live knowing who God is... that I know God is my Lord, my God and my Redeemer... that He's transcendent and imminent. Indeed, God is great! Then it comes to living a life where I know what God can do for me. That i know God will teach me to profit... a profitable life... is to lay down my life so that many others will be saved, such as those of missionaries. They died on the field just so that the people they went to reach out for may know Christ. Lastly, to live a life knowing God's leadership in my life. To know that i'm living a borrowed life... That God loaned me this life and that for every moment of my life, I should be thankful for each and every breath. That unless I recognise that I'm living on borrowed time, I won't be able to give up all my "human" and worldly rights and live the life directed by God. i should... LET GO and LET GOD! After the talk, I sought the Lord and He gave mee this word... "Egocentric". Gosh... I broke down and I just had to ask for forgiveness. I had placed myself on the throne... I had dethroned God and put myself on that throne of my life. it has always been "I", "Myself" and "Me" and I didn't give God the throne He deserved as Lord. I just broke down and cried. As I spent my solitude hour with the Lord in the night, He lead me to see that the sin of being egocentric brought about DISOBEDIENCE, SPIRITUAL BARRENESS & WORLDLINESS. And from there... It branched out to all the sins which I thought were minor. It was the most fruitfful one hour that I got to spend with the Lord, when He really helped me look into myself and just brought out the areas which I had hidden from Him and tried to overlook. I did a mindmap (horrors or horrors! I'm just not so good at mindmaps but I did quite a good one under the guidance of God), that listed out al the points that was brought up and I just lifted the areas wriitten on the paper and commited them to the Lord.
The next day... Ann spoke about Living a Life Approved by God. And the 3 keys to living a life approved by God is to be strengthened in the inner man, to know the love of God and to know the fullness of God. She spoke the part of being empowered by the fullness of God and that there are 4 spirits of our day and 4 stumbling blocks which prevents us from being empowered by the fullness of God. The 4 spirits are the complaining spirit (which we should replace with a grateful spirit), a competitive spirit (which we should replace with a serving spirit), a carnal spirit (which we should replace with a reverend spirit) and a conniving/ scheming spirit (whicch we should replace with a surrendered spirit). The 4 stumbling blocks are disappointments, displacement, discouragement and depression in our lives. Was just taking time to process the many stuffz that came my way... and being convicted of my competitive spirit when the worship team sang the song... "I came to the gathering of the poeple of my Lord..." and when it came to the part of building an altar to His name, I just broke down and cried because God confronted me and ask me this question... "When are you coming back to rebuild my altar???" I just broke down and cried... and then as I came before Him, He told me that I've been going round in circle and that I refused to go into his arms. And that sometimes I asked him where He is, and the actual fact was, He was there all along. I was the one going round in circle. His love for me had never changed. He invited me to go back to my first love, to go back to Him. And I just cried and cried. I didn't deserve all that love and all that attention but He gave it to me. He gave me His amazing grace too. And my gosh... I just can't describe what i felt in my heart then. But I know I was very touched. Touched by the grace of God and I just can't do anything but stand in awe and in thanksgiving...
I encountered God and my life indeed was changed. I'm definitely unable to change overnight but I know the power of God can. It's my prayer to commit each and every day to God and to die to myself daily so that God can do His work. It's my prayer too that God teach me more of Himself through His Word and Spirit, and that there'll be more of Him and less of me.
That's my prayer. Pray for me and pray along with me as I journey with the Lord.
michelle
3:33 AM
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Yo! Yo! I’m now catching up on past happenings… Hee… Been very busy for the past weeks that I have no time to start writing…
Anyway, let me start with my trip to Panti. As you guys would have known, I participated in this course named B.O.A.T. (Basic Outdoor Adventure Training). It’s a 3-month long course that orientates the participants to the various components of Outdoor and Adventure Sports. Okie… Now let me get back to what I want to say. Straight after work on 29 April (Friday), I rushed home to grab my 20kg backpack and dashed over to Toa Payoh Central Community Club to meet up with the rest of my coursemates and got ready for our first ever overseas trek for this course.
I freaked out on my way as I carried my backpack. I was like “Gosh… it’s so heavy… I’m already having difficulty walking on flat ground with the backpack… how am I to scale a mountain with it?”
Anyway, we boarded the bus at about 10.30pm and got stuck in a traffic jam because many others were also going to Malaysia for the long weekend. Finally made our way to the campsite… and guess what time that was? 3am!!! Haha… though we were really tired, we still had to walk a little distance and then pitch our tents… Thank God we finally got to sleep at about 4am… Hee…
After a pathetic few hours of sleep, we had to wake up for our morning exercise (urghhh…) and guess what was that? We had to run a total distance of 5km to the entrance of Kota Tinggi Waterfall Park and back. And guess how long an allowance we were allowed to complete the task? 30 minutes!!! Sadist, right? But anyway we did it… because the punishment of doing push ups on a VERY rough surface was waiting for us… So, all of us did it… Aren’t we glad!!! Shortly after that, we had our breakfast and then all the teambuilding games. Not too bad, we had fun after all. And the surprise awaits us… Hee… In the late afternoon, we were told that we are going to Pelepah Waterfalls… Wow!!! Took a long leisure trek to the place and had some fun at the not so wonderful waterfall (was rather disappointed when I saw the waterfall because I thought it was the other more spectacular one). Just as we were going back… Red alert sounded. Albert and Justin fell and got injured. We had to evacuate them… Stretcher was made for Albert (who injured his right ankle) using a ground sheet and Justin had to limp (because his injury involved the knee). Gosh… We really had to work together as a team, some of us carried the stretcher, some to support Justin as he limped along, some to clear the path and some simply to stay by the side and cheer Justin and Albert up. I was helping out with the stretcher until I took a short break and then ended up as the “link”… haha… People carrying the stretcher were moving too fast and Justin’s group couldn’t catch up. So Hanyan and a few of us became the link, to stand at intervals so that the second group won’t get lost in the forest as the first group sped ahead. We finally got out of the forest at about 10pm despite having gotten lost (Leslie and Annie, the leaders , lost their bearings). At the end of everything… guess what? IT WAS JUST A SCENARIO TRAINING!!! Pengz… Haha… Anyway, dinner was waiting for us at the campsite when we finally got back. We took a quick dinner, had a debrief (during which I was snoozing… haha…) and proceed to sleep. Hee… Just when we thought everything was over, we were woken at 4AM!!! This time it was a SCENARIO TRAINING FOR FLASH FLOOD!!! Urghh… Really pengz… no proper sleep! My tent-mates and I were like “Let the flash flood come… Let us sleep”… Haha… Anyway, we got another lecture for not packing all our things properly and for not being ready for emergencies and stuffz. Sigh…
Second day, most of us were half-dead because we were all suffering from deprivation of sleep. We trekked some distance to the foot of the hill, Panti (about 500+m). I was actually helping this lady called Daphne, giving encouragement, etc as she trekked. But she just kept whining and whining… Oh my gosh! I’ve never seen a woman such as her. She was like “Why all these slopes? Why must we climb up all these slopes?” I couldn’t take it and I just told her “You’re scaling a mountain. How else do you expect to reach the top except to go up? You have been training and you know you have the ability to make it up to the top! So, stop complaining and start moving!” With that, she erupted. She shouted at me, saying “Fine lor! Then I’ll go and die here lor! I’ll just jump down from here! Happy?” And with that, she wanted to run in some weird direction. I’m like… “What did I do? I didn’t ask her to go and die!” Where’s the connection? So, I grabbed her bag and left her to someone else to talk to her. I can’t stand people who whine and try to kill herself all because someone reprimanded her. Sigh… I don’t like dealing with people like this because I know I won’t be all nice and gentle. Anyway, halfway through our journey, it rained very heavily. It made our trek even tougher. Anyway, we finally got to the final part of our trek. A cliff!!! While waiting for the safety officers to set up safety ropes and stuffs, and also for the people in front to clear, we sat down and rest. Haha… when I stood up and got ready to scale the mountain, I found this leech on my arm! Hee… freaked out a little but I still observed it getting fat through sucking my blood. Haha… sadist, right? So, I got to the summit (after many heart-stopping moments… I’ve got a fear of heights) and it started raining (again…). I helped to babysit Annie’s 7-year-old daughter as she got everyone settled down. Suddenly, we heard this loud BOOM! Lightning struck! Had to run all the way to my tent, put my backpack down and squat on top of it… My 3 other tent-mates and I were stuck in our own tents and in that position (on our respective backpacks of course). Hee.. and we entertained ourselves with lots of food (our luxury foods… hee…). Only much later did we know that Kok Fai almost fell off the cliff while trying to assist one of the coursemates and that some of the others were hit by lightning which passed through the ground… Evening, we had our debrief and we spoke of our sentiments in regard to the trek. Sigh… All of us had the shock of our life when Daphne said she didn’t enjoy the trek and that she was angry with Leslie, the facilitator who stayed by her side and encouraged her to move on. My gosh! I was totally shocked that she said that! I mean, the least one can do is to say that the effort is appreciated, etc. All of us genuinely felt that through the two days, the team bonded and really grew closer. But she actually said that “I’m glad for all of you but I’m not part of your team. So I don’t feel the joy.” Everyone helped and encouraged her and she didn’t bother to appreciate them! Everyone treated her as a part of the team but she chose to isolate herself from everyone else! And then she says all these! I mean… she’s such a @#$%%^!!!!!
Okie, finally, the last day! We trekked down and I got stung by a bee! Yihui saw and tried to rush me forward to the first aid person and in the process, she bummed into a bee and was stung too. Just as we thought that was the last of the bees we saw, the group who was walking at the back were attacked by a swarm of ferocious bees!!! Albert, the guy who acted as the casualty just days before, was stung multiple times. He was in a bad state and when he saw us, guess what he said? He said “This time, it’s real! I really was stung! It’s not a scenario training!” Poor guy… He was rushed to a doctor for a jab the moment we got out of the forest.
Exciting. Eventful. Lovely. Wonderful. Cool. Enjoyable. Great. Wow. These are just some of the adjectives I can use to describe our 12th BOAT Camp 2! Hee… Trip to Mt Ophir coming up!
michelle
6:06 AM
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Hee...
I went on a blind date last week and I forgot to write about it!!!
Anyway, it was a dear friend of mine who initiated it. Haha... Yupz, my darling Yiwen.
Well, I had actually wanted to look glam and stuffs to go for the blind date but then hor... just before that, me went to beach road army market to get stuffs for my upcoming trekking trips. So, ended up with big bags here and there. And with all that persperation and smell from the market and food centre, I don't think I am really that cool looking that day. Luckily I brought a set of clothes to change. But all that makeup and stuffz, I just couldn't do anything about it bcoz I didn't bring my makeup kit...
Hee...went for japanese meal at this restaurant in the Esplanade. Yiwen told me that he's read on on me in Friendster prior to the date. Haha... talk about being careful. Guess he must be convinced that I'm not some fat ugly little woman before he comes out with me? Anyway, though he's read up on me, he didn't really show it... hmm... or perhaps we didn't give him a chance to. The whole evening, Yiwen, Emily and I were so busy yakking and he just was contented to just simply sit back and relax and enjoy watching us ladies yak... Pretty nice guy, I would say.
Anyway, after the meal, we went on to the chocolate place (yummy!!!) and had a chocolate drink. Remember not to take the toffee chocolate drink... huge glass and simply too sweet (yes, too sweet for even me!!! And I've got a sweet tooth!!!). Opps... I don't think I introduced my date, his name is Jerry. Jerry had this chocolate shot... and guess what? it came in a small tiny little expresso glass... Unbelieveable... And once again, he sat and watch while we ladies yak. Every now and then, he contributed his two cents worth of humour and I would say, he wouldn't be dull company (yes... definitely not as dull as the guy whom XuePing tried to match me up with. I mean... Jerry isn't a dull person whereas the other guy... I think his name is Peter.. Peter is dullsville...)
Okie... I also found out where he lives. He was pretty gentlemanly to send me home first. He stays in Teban Gardens (sounds familiar? I grew up in Teban Gardens Blk 6 and still stay over at my grandma's place every now and then) Blk 7 and by right, he should alight first. But he was sweet enough to send me home before taking that long way back again.
Hmm... talk about good first impressions. I would say he left me with a really good impression. Hmm... What else is there to say? No idea... Haha... But Yiwen was keen to tell me more about him. Hee... and I wouldn't mind knowing more.
michelle
5:22 AM
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
A student of mine asked me about my ex-boyfriend again... sigh... when will they give up?
But with that question, he got me thinking about my relationship and my mentality towards relationships.
Boon and i have sort of asked for a short break from each other. I guess though the liking for each other is there, there are still many other issues which have to be sorted out and settled before we could enter a relationship.
It's kind of interesting, the way i see it. in less than a year, I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years, met and got together with another guy, only to have him end the relationship 3 months later, and after some months, became an item with Boon (Btw, i've known Boon for years... hee... about 7 years or so), only to want to end it again.
Sometimes, i do wonder what's wrong. And I think it's because I did not take my proper recuperation after each relationship. I was rushing from one into another one. It's not as if I had all the time in the world for a relationship (as a matter of fact, i'm so tied up with stuffs that i could hardly breathe). It's not as if i'm feeling lonely and desperate. So, why am I constantly in a relationship? I do enjoy my singlehood (all that freedom and stuffs) but at the same time, I do want someone to call me at night and ask me how my day was (though I'm pretty sure after a month or so, i would wish that he would stop doing that).
Isn't it just contradicting? I think so too. I may think that I know how to love, but in actual fact, I believe I have much to learn about loving. I can be a good friend but when it comes to being a girlfriend, I think I just am not there yet. I can't imagine the kind of guy I would settle down with. But I do know and I firmly believe that God will give me that one guy whom He thinks is perfect for me, and whom I will be perfect for.
Haha... But I had drawn up a list of characteristics I would like my guy to have (checklist to be sure of what i want)... a friend of mine says such a guy is impossible to find, another says it's possible but they're definitely all married by now. Hee... Anyway, when God gives, i will take. If God doesn't, i will wait.
Mitc's Perfect Guy:
-Christian guy who can lead me in growing deep in the Lord
-Loves the outdoors and adventure sports
-Family-oriented
-Sense of humour
-Smart, Intelligent, Knowledgeable
Hmm... Not that impossible hor? Hee... Anyway, I'm sure God will send him when we are both ready. Hee..
michelle
7:22 AM
Monday, March 21, 2005
After the camp, I rested at home for two full days.
Yesterday, I was at Changi Beach!!! Hee... Had my BOAT outdoor cooking session. I wasn't feeling welll due to fatigue, i guess. And so, my face didn't look that good. Managed to set a fire using the primitive method and was impressed with myself! Hee... But then, i got pissed later because one of my member snuffed out the fire I set up (I know it wasn't intentionally, but...) and was really pissed. So, I guess my face got sort of 'blacker'. Was already tired physically and emotionally, so I guess every little thing could trigger off negative emotions. Justin saw and came over to ask me what happened. I just shrugged and told him that I was tired. Anyway, I managed to pick myself up a little later. And guess what dishes my members came up with? Devil's Curry Chicken, Winter Melon with Chicken soup, Briyani fried rice and sambal kangkong!!! Yummy... and all that done with just a fire made from dried branches!!! Thanks to all the members, i had a wonderful outdoor meal!!!
michelle
7:14 AM
Okie.. continued from previous, after the camp, it was finally the one-week March vacations!! A well-deserved break... as if!
Anyway, i signed up for a course named CAMP PLANNING AND ORGANISATION. And it runs from Monday to Thursday. There goes my rest. Well, I signed up for it myself and so blaming anyone for it.
First day of course, at Jalan Bahtera campsite. Know where it is? Sounds ulu, right? IT IS ULU!!! It's somewhere near Lim Chu Kang and some distance away from the main road. Intended to take a bus and drop at the main road and walk in. But guess what? When I reached the place, I realised that they had closed that road!!! Urghh... Walked up and down that deserted strip of land a few times (with Colin calming over the phone) until finally a kind bus driver uncle stopped and offered to drive me to the camp. He noticed me walking up and down the road (helplessly...) earlier on, and thus decided to give me a helping hand. He says there are a lot of foreign workers there and he's worried that something might happen to me. So sweet of him, right? After that, he scolded me... Hee... said i shouldn't just hop onto a stranger's vehicle because that's even more dangerous. Hee... so fatherly! But then again, I really thank God for sending me help when I really needed it.
The day's activities were fun, we were taught games and such and we went canoeing too! Great fun! And of course, i became more tanned.
Second day was at CCAB, the former NIE. A pleasant surprise awaits me there... Crescent Hockey was playing St Theresa's in semi-finals at the pitch!!! Hee... sneaked out quite a few times during class to see how my juniors fared in the game. But I missed the final moments when I had to leave for MacRitchie (because course includes teaching us to make use of nature reserves and parks to conduct outdoor lessons). Received sms later that Crescent lost to St Theresa's due to sudden death. And so Crescent will be playing St Nicholas for 3rd/4th placing in a few hours time!!! Anyway, let's come back to MacRitchie. We walked and admired nature and I finally got to go onto the Treetop walk. It was a lovely experience and would have been even lovelier if i wasn't afraid of heights. Hee...
Wednesday and Thursday, we had our residential camp in Blangah Rise Primary. Wow... big school... compared to Pioneer. Wonder when PRIME will come to Pioneer... Anyway, we learnt knot-tying, tent-pitching, outdoor cooking and other campcraft. Real fun! We had a BBQ dinner followed by a campfire!!! Hee... been a while since I was a participant of a campfire! Great experience at this course and of course, got to know many interesting fellows!
michelle
7:00 AM
It's been a while since I last updated my blog. Hee... Have been very busy lately.
Last week of Term 1, I was busy with the Primary 5 camp @ Pasir Ris Park. Though the teachers were given chalets to sleep in, I didn't have the luxury of enjoying it. As camp commandant (cum-2nd level intervention teacher for 'problem' cases), I was kept on my toes all day and night. Perhaps, I shouldn't complain so much, you should have seen how hard Thomas, the camp commandant, worked!
Hmm... my takehome from the camp? I not-too-nasty sunburn (yah, got sunburnt despite all the sunblock lotion I slappped on) & sleep deprivation. Not forgetting too, all that patience I grew dealing with some of the pupils referred to me.
Oh yes, I got to show off my new boyfriend, Boon, who thoughtfully bought me a lot of chocolates when he pop by during the campfire! Hee...
michelle
6:54 AM
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