JuSt Mitc

mitc's entries

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Hey hey! i just got back from a 2-day church programme. It's called the Women's Breajthrough Weekend. A weekend when we come before God and seek His face and to ask from Him a breakthrough in our life, a breakthrough that will bring us one step closer to Him.

I thank God for the wonderful group of ladies that He placed with me- Mavis (a mother of 2, and her 2nd baby is only 3 month old!), HuiFen (a lady who's just graduated and going into the workforce), XiaoHui (a bubbly lady who's so hungry for God to work in her) and Adeline (a strong lady who's going through many difficulties in life and still standing strong in the Lord).

It's just amazing how the Lord dealt with me. All through the years, I've been asking why I'm not maturing and blah blah blah... Each time I was shown an area in which I've sinned. I prayed for that and before I know it, I'm sunken back in the sin again. I just can't seem to get out of it and gain a breakthrough in my life where I can experience the fullness of God. It bugs me lots.

Haha... guess what? During the first worship session, I was given this image.. I was all chained up... my hands and my legs were all chained the to wall, there was no way I could free myself from the chains that held me captive. Then I saw Jesus. He came to me and just said to me, "I have the key to set you free. You just have to ask me to do so." That was such a revelation. I mean, Hey! Here's Christ telling me that He can set me free from all my sins and bondages, things that are holding me down, things that are simply chaining me up. The grace that He's shown me... I don't deserve Him to come and die for Him... I'm just so not deserving but yet, He did it for me. I don't deserve Him in setting me free from the chains and troubles that I got myself into, yet, He came and offered me the key to set me free. Isn't He great???

Then we went into our Theme Talk 1. Ann Chan spoke to us about living a God-directed life. A life that I live knowing who God is, what God can do for me and His relationship in my life. A life that I live knowing who God is... that I know God is my Lord, my God and my Redeemer... that He's transcendent and imminent. Indeed, God is great! Then it comes to living a life where I know what God can do for me. That i know God will teach me to profit... a profitable life... is to lay down my life so that many others will be saved, such as those of missionaries. They died on the field just so that the people they went to reach out for may know Christ. Lastly, to live a life knowing God's leadership in my life. To know that i'm living a borrowed life... That God loaned me this life and that for every moment of my life, I should be thankful for each and every breath. That unless I recognise that I'm living on borrowed time, I won't be able to give up all my "human" and worldly rights and live the life directed by God. i should... LET GO and LET GOD! After the talk, I sought the Lord and He gave mee this word... "Egocentric". Gosh... I broke down and I just had to ask for forgiveness. I had placed myself on the throne... I had dethroned God and put myself on that throne of my life. it has always been "I", "Myself" and "Me" and I didn't give God the throne He deserved as Lord. I just broke down and cried. As I spent my solitude hour with the Lord in the night, He lead me to see that the sin of being egocentric brought about DISOBEDIENCE, SPIRITUAL BARRENESS & WORLDLINESS. And from there... It branched out to all the sins which I thought were minor. It was the most fruitfful one hour that I got to spend with the Lord, when He really helped me look into myself and just brought out the areas which I had hidden from Him and tried to overlook. I did a mindmap (horrors or horrors! I'm just not so good at mindmaps but I did quite a good one under the guidance of God), that listed out al the points that was brought up and I just lifted the areas wriitten on the paper and commited them to the Lord.

The next day... Ann spoke about Living a Life Approved by God. And the 3 keys to living a life approved by God is to be strengthened in the inner man, to know the love of God and to know the fullness of God. She spoke the part of being empowered by the fullness of God and that there are 4 spirits of our day and 4 stumbling blocks which prevents us from being empowered by the fullness of God. The 4 spirits are the complaining spirit (which we should replace with a grateful spirit), a competitive spirit (which we should replace with a serving spirit), a carnal spirit (which we should replace with a reverend spirit) and a conniving/ scheming spirit (whicch we should replace with a surrendered spirit). The 4 stumbling blocks are disappointments, displacement, discouragement and depression in our lives. Was just taking time to process the many stuffz that came my way... and being convicted of my competitive spirit when the worship team sang the song... "I came to the gathering of the poeple of my Lord..." and when it came to the part of building an altar to His name, I just broke down and cried because God confronted me and ask me this question... "When are you coming back to rebuild my altar???" I just broke down and cried... and then as I came before Him, He told me that I've been going round in circle and that I refused to go into his arms. And that sometimes I asked him where He is, and the actual fact was, He was there all along. I was the one going round in circle. His love for me had never changed. He invited me to go back to my first love, to go back to Him. And I just cried and cried. I didn't deserve all that love and all that attention but He gave it to me. He gave me His amazing grace too. And my gosh... I just can't describe what i felt in my heart then. But I know I was very touched. Touched by the grace of God and I just can't do anything but stand in awe and in thanksgiving...

I encountered God and my life indeed was changed. I'm definitely unable to change overnight but I know the power of God can. It's my prayer to commit each and every day to God and to die to myself daily so that God can do His work. It's my prayer too that God teach me more of Himself through His Word and Spirit, and that there'll be more of Him and less of me.

That's my prayer. Pray for me and pray along with me as I journey with the Lord.

michelle
3:33 AM